Change the Story, Mama, and You Can Change Anything! (including relieving postpartum stress)

Everybody has a story. It's how we understand each other, ourselves, and the world. But when we get stuck in our stories we stop seeing what else might be true...and where possibilities lay that can lead to more ease, more confidence and self-trust, and actually having joy in this wild ride called parenting.

When I was pregnant with my older daughter I had a story...

In the story, I cradled her in my arms and she cooed softly as I rocked her to sleep. It was a story of tranquility and oxytocin.

And the first night after she was born, as she slept peacefully in the bassinet next to my hospital bed, I did experience that wash of hormone enhanced mama-love.

Gently I gathered her tiny body into my arms, just wanting to hold her perfection…

And she started to wail.

After 15 or 20 minutes of desperately trying to soothe her, I called the nurse for help.

That was the first of many times that I held her, bounced her, hummed and sang, tried to nurse her, checked her diaper, hummed and bounced and tried again, all to the seemingly endless sound of her discontent. But of course, after that first night, there was no nurse to call to save me.

Looking back on those exhausting early months, yes, it was physically challenging to handle my fussy, sensitive little girl with my limited experience (and usually around four broken hours of sleep). But what made it not just challenging, but devastating? My story.

What I thought should be true

Before my I was even pregnant with my daughter, I'd bought and carried a story with me that it would be different. That it should be easier. My baby should be happy. These should be precious times, not days and nights of struggle. Deep down I believed that if I could just get it "right", then I could have that blissful Madonna and child story I had played in my head throughout my two year journey toward motherhood, including a miscarriage, and finally my full-term pregnancy.

Motherhood is full of stories. In my early days of parenting I would pour over books written by well-meaning authors telling me the story that if I just followed their plan, parenting would be easier. My baby would settle, sleep, breastfeeding wouldn't hurt, and my husband and I could have a civil conversation longer than 2 minutes.

The problem was that all these stories that I was letting shape my life and my sense of self-worth as a mom? They were all fictional. Even if they were true about someone somewhere, in my world they were parables based on people who weren’t me, and children that weren’t mine.

Rewriting...

It took me a lot of years and a lot of tears, but finally I began to get that the best story of motherhood is a “choose your own adventure.” And guess what else? It’s not just yours to write. It’s a collaborative book that unwinds over years, in which your children are your co-authors. If you have a spouse or partner, or your kids’ other parent is in their lives, those people are co-authors, too.

And, Mama, it’s not your job to make sure any of those people, not even your children, have an all-the-time, happily-ever-after story. And there’s no point making a plot map or outlining the next chapter.

But if you let go of needing to control the ending, if you get curious about every new plot twist and unexpected reveal, recognize that guilt, blame, shame and resentments are red herrings designed to distract you from having and being you, and that perfectionism, self-judgment, and the monster called “how it should be” only serve to rob you of the joy of diving deep into this juiciest of tales, who know what could show up?

If you change your story, Mama, you can change anything. Softening the pregnancy anxiety, relieving postpartum stress. It all can get quieter. Softer. More spacious and less intense. So get curious…what if it all works out? What’s right about this you’re not getting? What gift are you to your baby that you haven’t acknowledged? What story would they like to write WITH you?

That’s the ticket, Mama - now you are writing a real page-turner!

Could you use some support in the "editing" process?

If you're navigating pregnancy anxiety, overwhelm, or decision fatigue, I'd love to help. Through Confidence in Pregnancy Coaching, I support sensitive and neurodivergent pregnant people in building self-trust, regulating their nervous systems, and moving through pregnancy with greater confidence and peace of mind.

Click now to schedule your Possibilities in Pregnancy Consult today:

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